Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
