Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
