Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
