insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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