she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
