You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
