I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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