I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
