the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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