So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
