my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
