I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
