i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
