At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Someone shit on the floor
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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