My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
