I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
