TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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