Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
