He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
