Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
