She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
