i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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