i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
