And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
