you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
