I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
