I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How's work?
Spinning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
