what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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