You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
