yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kiss
Puke
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
