Say something about gay babies.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
