I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
