you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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