So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
