you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
