That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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