Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
