Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
