Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
