she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
