god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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