Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
