for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
