Welp...herpes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
