forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
