so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
