Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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