I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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