I accidentally had phone sex last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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