pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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