glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
