thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
