I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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