I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
