I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
