The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
